Getting a divorce is a difficult process, which is why you should prepare for trial from day one. Also, if you have been living with a controlling partner, you must prepare yourself emotionally for obstacles, deceptions, and delays.
Settlement negotiation will require you to deal with things with a different mindset. Despite the fact that settlement negotiations are part of every divorce, settling with a controlling spouse is quite challenging. The following tips can help.
Practice Patience
If you were trying to make your marriage work with a controlling person, it essentially means that you were dealing with things with patience. On that note, when it comes to settling a divorce, patience is key. Of course, you must work closely with your lawyer to assess what your desired settlement is regarding kids and finances.Â
When you feel ready to negotiate, work closely with your lawyer to reach a reasonable settlement.
On that note, keep in mind that your controlling ex-spouse will do everything possible to destabilize your efforts. Throughout the divorce process, you can expect mind games, which is why you must be patient and prepared at all times.
What if Your Ex-Spouse Doesn’t Settle
If your ex-spouse won’t settle, you have nothing to worry about, as you are already ahead of the game. The reason is that you have already started preparing for trial. Check out this Massachusetts Divorce Process: A Guide, if you reside in Massachusetts, to understand all aspects of the divorce process.
Also, if you haven’t hired a lawyer yet and you are considering getting a divorce, this guide can help. Although both spouses might agree to a divorce, one of the spouses must start the process by filing a divorce petition.
If you are the petitioner, make sure to prepare for trial as soon as you file the petition.
Plan for Divorce Mediation
Many marriages that are falling apart hesitate to mediate as they fear they might end up wasting their time and money. The general thought is when and why would making compromises help – after everything that happened with a controlling spouse in the past.
However, we recommend considering divorce mediation early. You might want to discuss this with your family lawyer as they might already have experience working with controlling spouses from their previous cases.
The mediator will make an extra effort to listen to every single thing the controlling spouse feels and says before taking active steps toward considering mediation.Â
So, when a mediation results in a settlement, it is almost always worth the time and money.
Settlement vs. Trial – What Will Work?
There are only two ways to get a divorce from a controlling spouse: settlement or trial. Now, when it comes to settlement, you already know that it involves negotiation. You should prepare for both, as it is in your best interest to work closely with your lawyer and not engage yourself with the soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Understandably, most spouses want the divorce to be over as quickly as possible – however, sometimes, there isn’t just an easy or fast way. Things can be more difficult when you are divorcing a controlling partner, and they want more than their share of assets or custody arrangement.
On that note, if time is a serious issue, it is in your best interest to go for a settlement. Why, you might ask? The reason is that a trial can take up to one year. Yes – it takes this long. So, only go for trial if you or your spouse can find absolutely no other way to reach an agreement.
The Importance of Being Proactive
One of the best ways to reach a divorce settlement with a controlling ex-spouse is to draft and prepare the settlement as soon as you have the information and documents you need. Subsequently, the settlement proposal will be given to the other side for consideration.
What this will do for you is that you will be making the initial offer. By creating a settlement as soon as possible, you will essentially establish a settlement framework from the law’s perspective. When dealing with a controlling spouse, keeping the settlement initiative can have many benefits, especially when they are trying to hinder the progress toward trial.
A pro tip is to ask for so much more than what you actually want so that you can successfully settle for what you actually want.
The Importance of Maintaining Perspective
At the time of settlement, it is absolutely mandatory not to be emotionally invested in reaching a settlement that very day. So, if there is going to be a divorce settlement, you should know that it may happen because of mediation.
Your controlling ex-spouse will test you in many ways, including making you sit through one or a couple of days of mediation before they make a settlement offer. This tactic is exclusively designed to wear you down, which is why you must maintain perspective at all costs.
The Importance of Remaining Engaged
At the time of your divorce settlement, you must remain engaged at all stages of the divorce process. Make sure to hire an experienced family lawyer, as they might have a certain negotiation style. Subsequently, make sure to ask questions at every stage of the proceedings.
Whenever a decision is made, you must ask your attorney why they recommend that approach. It might be difficult sometimes – but make it a point not to sit back and let things happen. Instead, staying engaged as a divorce is a crucial decision in your life. You must stay involved at all costs.
The Importance of Looking After Yourself
Settling a divorce is nothing less than running an emotional marathon, which is why it is incredibly important to look after yourself while you go through this difficult phase of your life. On that note, make sure to get enough sleep, as getting enough sleep is similar to having a powerful weapon in your arsenal.
No matter how difficult life is during a divorce, make it a priority to get the rest you need. By getting enough sleep, you will be clear-headed at the time of making important decisions.
